The Secrets of Cat Ladies, Revealed

  • Note:  I do not intend to minimize or make light of animal cruelty or animal hoarding.  Google is replete with sources for a serious discussion of those topics.  This is not one of those sources.

Every now and again, a story like this shows up in the news — a crazy cat lady is found in a house overrun by cats, the owner’s love of felines somehow rendering her insensible to fleas and the odor of cat urine and feces.  Until I became a cat owner, I never understood how anyone could become so attached to cats.  In many ways, I still don’t.  I don’t like my cat.  My recent NYC Moms Blog post about my cat dislike apparently was pretty unpopular with cat lovers — unlike every other piece I’ve posted on the site, it has no comments.

There are any number of theories behind what makes cat ladies become cat ladies — including that old standby, the messed-up childhood.  I have another theory.  It’s not backed by scientific or anecdotal evidence.  It’s something cat owners don’t talk about openly.  But I think it’s pretty obvious.

It’s the purring.

A soft, warm furry cat, purring and vibrating on your lap, is a singular, nearly tantric, sensation.  Unquestionably, it feels good.

Some people will violently disagree that there is anything sexual about it.  It may not be bestial, but a live purring cat, seated on your lap in just the right way, is like a living Magic Wand.  It may not quite do the trick, but it certainly can make you feel all warm and tingly.

If you’re a lonely cat lady who has grown dependent on that nice feeling a purring kitty provides, you get another cat.  And another.  Soon, your house is overrun with cats, but at least you have increased the likelihood that one of those kitties will jump on your lap and purr just when you feel the need for purring. 

The problem with a cat, as opposed to other forms of vibrating love, is unreliability.  You can’t force a cat onto your lap.  You can’t ensure that it will always sit just the right way or stay as long as you’d like.  You can’t plug in a cat, or give it fresh new batteries. 

And then there’s the biggest personal turn-off — the shedding.  No matter what warm fuzzy feelings you might get out of having your cat on your lap, if you wind up with a lap full of cat hair, it wasn’t worth it.  There are easier ways to feel warm and fuzzy without having to care for a four-legged feline.

One solution to the cat lady phenomenon — in addition to intense psychotherapy — may be Eve’s Garden.  They have a wide variety of objects that purr.  A toy from Eve’s Garden don’t require food or water, it doesn’t shed, and you never have to change the litter. 

Best of all, you can make your kitty purr whenever you want.

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2 Responses to “The Secrets of Cat Ladies, Revealed”

  1. Nancy Says:

    This finally explains it!! I always assumed it was the need to be needed. And the solution to the childless womb. Brills!!

  2. Krista Says:

    There’s a doc about cat ladies, it’s pretty interesting to see how they operate. It’s definitely hard not to love those furry felines. You can see the trailer on the website, just google ‘cat ladies doc’

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