The Best Breakup Song Ever

With his new single “Fuck You,” Cee-Lo has taken the “Best Breakup Song Ever” title from Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know.”

I see you driving round town with the girl I love

And I’m like “FUCK YOU!”

And fuck her too!

Who hasn’t felt that way about an ex and the next one?

College and law school breakups were the worst, because those boyfriends had (you hoped, in the back of your mind) husband potential.  It was hard seeing the guy you used to date walking around campus with his newest conquest, especially if you hadn’t made a new conquest of your own.

I’ll never forget the girl in my college dorm who sobbed uncontrollably to her friends after she broke up with her first-month-of-college boyfriend, a guy whose room was right above hers.  With dorm walls being paper thin and unencumbered by insulation, she was able to not only hear her ex making love to his new girlfriend, but also got to hear him say to New Girl the same things he used to say to her.  Ouch.

I always felt like I was some sort of Test Kitchen for law school dudes.  I’d spend time with some guy no one was paying any attention to, and then all of a sudden, it seemed all the girls were like, “Oh, yeah!  Dirk!”  Next thing I knew, Dirk was feeling himself and exploring his other options.  Ex-trademark lawyer that I am, I should have gotten a service mark on the Carolyn Seal of Approval.

My worst breakup wasn’t my divorce, but The One Who Got Away — the guy I dated and fell head over heels in love with, who conveniently neglected to inform me that he was engaged.  His response to my finding out about his engagement — thanks to a lengthy and unintentionally hilarious conversation with his fiancee — was to send me two dozen roses. 

When I made it clear that I was uninterested in being either the lead or the understudy for the role of Permanent Side Chick, he sent me a book of Audre Lorde poems.  He bookmarked the poem “A Litany for Survival,” which ends with the line, “we were never meant to survive.” 

Actually, that was kind of a nice touch.  I still thank him in my head for introducing me to Audre Lorde’s work. 

He wound up marrying someone other than the then-fiancee.  And although any bitterness I may have harbored has long since passed, his is the face that comes to mind when I think of Cee-Lo’s song.

What’s your worst breakup?  Who do you think of when you hear Cee-Lo’s song?


5 Responses to “The Best Breakup Song Ever”

  1. Foxy Brown Says:

    my worst break up was the end of a 4.5 year relationship. she just up and left one day. that hurt like a mofo. i was left in a house full of her stuff wondering what the hell went wrong.

    best breakup song: i feel bad by rascal flatts

    the song ends with, ‘no, i don’t feel bad.’

  2. Carla Furcron Says:

    My favorite breakup song is “One Last Cry” by Brian McKnight. It so closely describes my process when I’m trying to clear my spirit of someone. Carl Thomas’s “I Wish” was a close second recently, but I don’t wanna talk about that!

  3. Deesha Says:

    I love “Green Eyes” by Erykah Badu. She goes through the stages of the break up, like stages of grief (bargaining, anger, acceptance, etc.)…and we get the classic line, “And I don’t know why I fuck with you” before this lament of an ending: “…But I can’t stand these growing pains.”

    Now, old school? “All Cried Out”, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam FTW!

  4. aaw1976 Says:

    I think of the man that is in my timeline.. who is now married and about to have his first child. Tears Ago, rahsaan patterson. I wasn’t good enough for him, but when he found out more about my background he asked me why I didn’t tell him.. (Social climbing mofo). I still care for him, but he wasn’t meant for me. Let her have him. He was good for quite a few things, but I couldn’t deal with him long term… Lets just say that we would have been great friends had we not slept together. And since we don’t sleep together, we are great friends now.

  5. Wil Says:

    The absolute worst break-up for me was Tabitha. Our break-up theme song has to be X-Factor by Lauryn Hill.

    Now the fact that I did not recognize how good she was for me goes without saying – My oversight. For once I had someone who was good to me AND good for me. I won’t go into great detail here on this forum, but the decision I made when she chose to move to Michigan to pursue her master’s degree proved to be the proverbial stray that broke the camel’s back. I chose to stay and wait in my comfort zone and lost a good one.

    Though our loving one another did not mimic a battle, I am certain that we both left it with scars.


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