Kids and Money

A few years ago, while visiting the home of a friend, I noticed a book on her kitchen counter about raising kids without a sense of entitlement.

It made sense to me that this friend would have such a book. She and her husband, both professionals, are doing well financially. I didn’t think to copy down the name of the book, because I didn’t think I’d ever find myself in their situation. I was still suffering the financial constraints of the newly divorced. “My kids know we operate on a budget,” I said to myself – and by budget, I meant we generally were living paycheck to paycheck. It never dawned on me that my kids would see our situation as anything other than a struggle.

Fast forward five years. My oldest child, my 14-year-old daughter, is now a teen. Like many teens, her tastes exceed my budget. She wants to wear designer jeans. Shopping is a hobby or a fun pastime. She also loves good food (no Mickey Ds for this kid), concerts and Broadway shows.

Nothing wrong with any of that. I raised her to have good taste. Still, there are practical limits to how much of this I can fund.

I tried giving her an allowance, but the concept of saving eluded her. She would spend her allowance and then ask (demand) more for “hanging out.” Paying for chores didn’t make sense – washing dishes and doing the laundry are obligations to be shared by the members of the household, not something one does for remuneration.

I told my daughter to start babysitting for extra money. She did, a few times, but never actively pursued it. When I told her to start tutoring younger kids or find something else to earn some pocket money, she cried and said, “I don’t know how to do anything!”

I sat down with her and went over the household budget with her to the nearest dollar, showing her how my bi-monthly paychecks are spent. She nodded, wide-eyed, but the effect wore off the next time she wanted something and I refused to give it to her.

I can’t do the money battles anymore. Her raging sense of entitlement and utter lack of responsibility and accountability infuriate me. Lecturing doesn’t work. So to teach her some valuable lessons about money, I’ve decided to enroll her in World of Money, a one-week summer program for kids 9-17. World of Money introduces basic financial concepts to kids and helps them begin to understand what spending, saving and investing really mean.

In one week, my daughter will learn as much as possible about banks, interest, the stock and other financial markets, the role of the U.S. Treasury, budgets, and other basic money concepts.

I hope the program has a lasting impact on her. It’s important for all children to learn about how money REALLY works, but I think it is especially important for black children to be exposed to this information. Our kids don’t see us often enough engaged in the acts of saving, investing, budgeting and paying bills. And while I recognize the importance of leading by example, those at-home lessons need a boost from someone who isn’t Mom saying “no” all the the time.

While I may not have the means of my friend’s family, I am fortunate to have moved beyond living paycheck, to taking one or two significant family vacations per year. My kids’ sense of entitlement is out of control, and I need to reign it in this summer. I am going to ask my friend for the name of the book she bought for her family years ago, but I am also open to other suggestions. If any of you readers have thoughts or recommendations about how to teach children, especially teenagers, some valuable and worthwhile lessons about money, please share.

First published on CocoaMamas.com

Advertisements

4 Responses to “Kids and Money”

  1. Mark Says:

    My mother gave me some very valuable parenting advice when my kids were very young. She said, “Only a hungry child can appreciate how good broccoli tastes.” She explained, “the next time one of the kids won’t eat what you serve them because they want chicken nuggets or french fries, give them the choice of what you served or nothing. And stick to your guns. As soon as they get hungry, they’ll like what you served.” My kids have never been finicky eaters.

    The same principle applies to money as well. As long as you eventually give in and give her the money she asks for, she will never develop the appetite or appreciation for earning it herself. She already knows that you are the path of least effort. Sending her to The World of Money is an excellent idea. It is important for our children to understand the principles and mechanics of money. But no matter what she learns from the program, it will not teach her the value of a work ethic. And it will not teach her the critical and unique pleasure of possessing “Her Own Money.”

    When my kids each got their first job and got paid “real money” it was as though they had suddenly discovered the power to make themselves happy and they have never allowed themselves to be jobless since their freshman year of high school. Not every job is a good fit, and mom & dad occasionally assist in figuring out the right fit or help in finding the next job. But they are the workers and they are good workers.

    If the easiest path to money is through your pocket, that will always be Option #1. That’s what any smart person would do. You have to start by turning your pocket into the path of greatest resistance. Once she realizes that, she will look for new paths. She’ll acquire a taste for broccoli.

  2. mrseven65 Says:

    Great piece Ms. E…
    The World Of Money sounds like an excellent idea…
    ….and please share the title of that book when you get your hands on it…
    think i’ll be needing it too.. 🙂

  3. Mark Says:

    Carolyn,

    Are you familiar with Girls Inc.? They have a terrific chapter here in NYC and they offer some great programs. (http://www.girlsincnyc.org/index.html)

    I think your daughter might enjoy.

    Mark

  4. Digital parenting in the age of Weiner | Married my sugar daddy Says:

    […] most parents who are reasonably digital and computer-savvy think they already know how to keep  their kids safe online. For years, I fell into that category. However, I know my kids are far more digital and […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: